My vertical scar was crimson on my skin, 75 staples were stapled in.  The scar was dark then, it saved my life – it’s where my darling surgeon skillfully used her knife.

I have no tattoos but I have my scar, it holds many stories like a tightly sealed jar.

The scar has miraculously faded now, when I glance at it, I’m reminded how…it’s not a defect upon my skin,  for it’s within those cracks where the light gets in.  This scar is mine and my second chance, I am not a victim of circumstance.

I’ve come to accept this scar on my belly where I’ve liberally applied the aloe vera  jelly.

My vertical scar was crimson on my skin, but the soul inside is determined to win.

The scar was dark then; but then the healing came and renewed my strength like a refreshing rain.

A scar from a scare when I lost the “e”, it wasn’t the only thing removed from me.

Think Positive

Dear One,

 If you are reading this letter, I assume that you are taking radiation therapy. I did too! I finished in August 2013 and had 25 sessions on the left breast.

 Today the breast looks great, even after having had a double lumpectomy. The scars are fading beautifully and I even like looking at them. I still put lotion on the breast a few times a day and smile!

I know that this might seem like it is far down the road for you, but before you know it, you will be doing the same. Just take each treatment one day at a time and be gentle with yourself as Jean Marie always reminds us!

I remember stopping each day in the bathroom before going into treatment and there used to be a piece of artwork with wonderful affirmations on it that hung on the bathroom door. I would read this each day and it gave me courage and calmed me. One day, it disappeared!!! All of us missed it terribly, so Jean Marie got us affirmation cards by Louise L. Hay, whom I adore. Maybe they are still there! They are great!

 I used to then go into the treatment room and bring my cd with mantras on it that I loved to listen to. I’d have them crank up the cd player before they left the room and kept my eyes closed and would pretend that I was in my Guru’s Temple in India listening to the chanting. This brought me great peace. I’d then follow up with stopping by and getting Healing Touch, Reiki, or take a hatha yoga class all in the Mind, Body Sanctuary. Once getting home, nap time. All of this was teaching me to love and care for myself, to nurture myself and receive love.

 Since then, I’ve been taking art therapy at the hospital, which I LOVE! I never think about what to paint, it simply comes out and is teaching me to live my life one brush stroke at a time; in other words, “be in the present moment.” This has been bringing me much joy and the surprise is that this painting came to be and Jean Marie has offered to hang it up on the radiation bathroom door!

 I hope that these affirmations will bring you peace and comfort. I read them each day and turn the artwork around in circles to see them all. The artwork was completed while on retreat at MARY’S PLACE in Ocean Grove, NJ. When I got home, I filled in the affirmations (varying authors).

I wish you peace, comfort, and contentment. You are beautiful and very much loved.

Naked

A beautiful crisp clear day in May. I fly open the bathroom window, I hear the breeze in the pine trees and see the clouds of lime green pollen swirling about. I shower in my Italian spa-inspired bathroom feeling relaxed. As I reach for the bisque& sage green-checkered bath sheet there is that fleeting second I forget about the scars that lie beneath. 

 I wipe the steam from the antique white-rimed mirror and catch my reflection; sadness quickly clothes my entire marred body.

There I stand NAKED! What a mess. What a f..king mess. Where does one begin to describe the Frankenstein surgical scars? The port that allowed poison to flow through my veins. My first mastectomy that was reconstructed from stretched stomach muscles leaving a 32-inch scar from hip to hip (okay my hip width is larger...move on) that is now sagging. Then the newly chopped off left breast, perky with expanders, that elongates my skin to who knows where or how far. The list is endless...I am officially the Bride of Frankenstein. 

I sit down about to throw myself a pity party when I suddenly stand and say NO MORE! I am about life today. Screw cancer! I WILL NOT let it define me.

I slowly tiptoe over to the full-length mahogany mirror that's tucked in the far right corner of the spare bedroom and drop the towel, watching as it falls to my ankles. I stare into the reflection for what seems to be hours, studying the middle-aged, overweight, mutilated women staring back with tear-filled brown eyes.

I go inside, past the flesh, deep to my soul to rediscover and retrieve my kindness, my love for family, the abundance of friends I have who love and support me. I see a good decent person. I cause no harm or malice. I dig deep and pull all my good qualities to the reflection standing before me. I see the real me, naked, draped in bedazzled jewels of amethyst, sapphires, emeralds, rubies - and let's not forget diamonds - all shining my good qualities. 

 I am a daughter, a mother, a wife, a sister, and a grandmother, not a railway filled with tracks.

 Naked, a word with many definitions, but as far as this writer is concerned; my nakedness is as pure as the day I was born. I know that when it's time to meet my maker I will be judged by my life's worth, NOT my scars.